That I last saw you
Maybe in my heart I knew it was the last time,
but I pretended it was temporary.
Everything is temporary.
It's easier that way. As I walked down to the plane,
the realest fear I had ever felt hit me.
And it hit hard, like I had willingly entered into an unfair fight.
What was I doing? I wanted this all along,
but it never feels like you imagine, does it?
I felt the fear swell up in my throat like a balloon,
in a futile attempt to dull it
I ordered a vodka the first chance I got.
364 days, me alone with my thoughts...
nothing to distract me, sometimes I miss the chemical escape.
It's better this way. All the time I ask myself, "is this real?"
At times it's impossible to know.
I swallowed fire to get here. I chased it with my pride.
When I find myself reaching out for you,
I'm happy you aren't there. But a part of me thinks
you could turn up at any second of any day.
What a haunting thought.
I don't miss seeing you
in the mirror anymore
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